Middle-aged v1rgins: Why so many Japanese in their 20s and 30s are still v1rgin

When I was a young, single woman in Japan in the 1980s, the
economy was red hot and so was the dating scene.
Cool girls weren’t ashamed of losing their v1rg1nity before
marriage.
Of course for me personally, losing my v1rg1nity was a big deal.
But socially, it was no biggie. It was the 80s, Japan was alive, and
life was good.
Goodness, how times have changed.
It’s alarming for me, and many of my peers, to see the enthusiasm
about se’x and relationships we felt during our youth replaced by
the se’xual indifference seen in Japan today.
A government survey released this week suggested that nearly 40
percent of Japanese in their twenties and thirties are not in a
relationship don’t think they need a romantic partner, with many
calling relationships “bothersome.”
Another survey from 2010 found that one in four Japanese men in
their thirties who’ve never been married are v1rg1ns. The figures
were only slightly less for women.
Apathy to se’x
This se’xual apathy is extremely troubling for Japan, which has the
world’s most rapidly aging population, sparking concerns that
citizens will not produce enough children to sustain a healthy
economy in the coming years.
I was skeptical when I learned of a nude art class aimed at inspiring
Japan’s growing population of middle-aged v1rg1ns.
I thought, if a man hasn’t had any kind of se’xual relationship by his
thirties or forties, simply sketching a nude woman is like throwing a
drop of water on a forest fire. It’s not going to solve the problem.
But then we interviewed Takashi Sakai (we’ve agreed to change his
name), a 41-year-old Japanese v1rg1n who says these classes,
offered bimonthly in Tokyo by the non-profit White Hands, are the
closest he’s ever been to a real, naked woman and not some
fantasized version in Japanese manga.
“When you see a woman and find her attractive, you might ask her
out, hold her hand, k1ss and that’s how it goes,” Sakai says.
“But in my case, it did not happen for me. I thought it might happen
naturally, but it never did.”
Never been k1ssed
Shingo Sakatsume — a self-styled “se’x helper” working with White
Hands — says middle-aged v1rg1ns who would like their situation
to change lack real life experience with women, so allowing them to
spend time looking at the female body is a first step to solve the
issue.
“In Japanese society, we have so much entertainment beyond love
and se’x. We have animation, celebrities, comics, game and sports,”
he says.
“Why do you need to choose love or se’x over the other fun things
that don’t have the potential for pain and suffering?”
The illusion of a perfect relationship, combined with the Japanese
fear of failure, has created a serious social problem, he says.
He knows the apparent disconnect is leading to fewer relationships,
record low birth rates, and a shrinking population.
The classes seem to be helping Sakai, a mountain climber and
teacher who, at 41, is not only a v1rg1n, but also has never been in
a relationship or even been k1ssed.
For years, he’s kept his v1rg1nity a secret from friends, co-workers,
and family.
“Not telling others (I’m a v1rg1n) was the same as pretending the
problem does not exist,” says Sakai. “It was like putting it away on
a shelf where nobody can see it.”